i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
