I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The Olympian is in my bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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