the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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