I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
