Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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