You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
