i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
