i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
