he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
