Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
