Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
