he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
