I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
