i think i have two assholes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
