She said her name was "party"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
