You work out of a Hotel?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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