i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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