I'm really into asian looking animals
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
