So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
