Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize