Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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