it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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