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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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