so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
