is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
