what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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