I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
