I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
