You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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