He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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