1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
