I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
