Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
