I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
