i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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