wrigley field is MILF paradise
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
