tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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