Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
