hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
