just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
