mondays should just be called national damage control day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
