i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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