and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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