i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
