I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes