And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.