I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.