Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.