lets start a swedish sibling band together
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.