He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
