I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
