2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
