So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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