Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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