she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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