You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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