You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
