Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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