is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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