that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
