She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
