i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
