i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
