fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
