Soap is not a condiment
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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