he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
