I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
