Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
