Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
