Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
