garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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