You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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