I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
