So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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