so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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